The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
