If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
