I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
