i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
