My first STD was from a foam party
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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