it glows. i had to have it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
