Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
