Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So much rum. So many feels.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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