she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
