The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
