He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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