Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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