another moral hangover. fuck.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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