Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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