mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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