I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
