The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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