Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
