I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I touched a dick in church today
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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