I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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