ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
