He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
