I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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