if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
