I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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