he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
How naked do you want me to be?
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