You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
