We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That accounts for only three of the penises
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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