I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
