Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My penis needs a shock collar
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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