put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
