just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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