i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
