I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
