he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize