You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
