What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
