There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
