Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
