i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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