You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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