I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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