capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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