the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
