you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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