Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
