got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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