Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
