This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
