So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
