Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
