dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
